This is Emery Sheldon. In this picture he is 32 years old. Two weeks ago, September 21, 2023 he died and will forever be 32 years old. He is my son. I have lost two sons in two years. I have no more words.

Old young mother. LOL

      It's been almost two years now since my sweet great grand sons came to live with me. They are now 11 and 13 years old. I already knew what a challenge it would be, because in 1996 my husband and I adopted three of our grandchildren. So far I have to admit that raising these two alone (husband died in 2007) has been easier than raising the first three adopted grandchildren. However, showing up at elementary school for open house, mingling with all the "young" parents has made me feel a bit out of place; much more than the first time around. Since this is year two, I was not asked if the parents were around to answer questions. The two schools are familiar with me now and very accommodating.

     Thanks to a wonderful, generous friend, their school clothes are completely covered this year. School supplies were gathered up from what wasn't used last year and what was still needed was donated by State Farm Insurance agent Amy Bliss.

     In the last two years we have had major home catastrophes. Three major water line breaks, trees dropping limbs on the house, causing holes during rainy season that I didn't find right away. Two water heater replacements and then, of course, the ongoing battle with rats. 

     God is so good, He is my source of supply. PTL It will be interesting to see how God works this all out. His mercies are new every morning.

 Being a very old lady, raising pre-teen and tween boys is very challenging. I am blessed with the best boys ever, so it could be much harder. However, as good as they are, it can't change the challenges of old age. I now have to integrate their school schedules with my doctor appointments. I have to arrange alternate transportation at times due to the fact that I can't drive long distances, at night, in the rain. 

Money is an issue also. I've never asked for state aid and I don't have guardianship of the boys. I'm on a fixed income, so the boys and I plan each and every spending event. They are easy to please and so helpful. I am truly blessed.

One of the boys is home sick this week with a bad cold and the other one just got his very first student ID card. I am working with the school to get him into cross country running. He is so excited. It will all work out. God's mercies are new every morning.

 

God is so good. He protects and comforts and holds us when we are grieving or afraid. He also is with us when we face responsibilities we don't want or we aren't prepared for.

My heart is still tender after losing my son and tears are always on the edge of my eyes. I am also blessed to have new responsibilities to distract from these deeply painful times. 

At this time in my life I am now raising two of my grandsons. They are 10 and 13.  It's a long story that so many others are experiencing right now. Their single mother and her boyfriend have found themselves homeless. As they navigate their frightening new world I have taken in the boys, so they can have a stable place and go back to school and have solid nutritional meals.

This is challenging for all of us. I live in a 55+ community and I am not allowed to have minors living with me, so we/they live in secret. They are amazingly good and understanding boys. We have been living like this since January 2022. They missed two years of school due to the pandemic, but they are both getting back on track. We have had a myriad of hurdles to overcome, but God is opening doors and preparing the way for us to continue.

I'm so blessed to be a part of their lives and for them to help fill the emptiness in mine at this time.

 Grieving is so bitterly painful. It feels as though it will never end. At the same time not grieving anymore feels traitorous. I can never feel free of the grief I feel for the loss of my son. Everyday presents a new opportunity to start putting the grief behind me; or at least beside me and moving on to the next day and the next. However, every thought or spoken word or experience is a memory of what was or what was planned and it just hurts so bad. I know that God's mercies are new every morning and that is what I cling to.

 My son died yesterday.

 

 Last September my son (52) and I bought this manufactured home in a 55 and over park. I told you about that I think. Excuse me if I repeat myself. We thought it was going to be our forever home and we sat smiling and looking around thinking how we would make it "ours". Within two weeks things started going wrong. Well.....right away we found overwhelming evidence of rats and mice in the house. Call in the Orkin Man!!! Then the hot water heater died. Our home warranty was called and after $600 out of my pocket was shelled over we had a new hot water heater. 

I told you about my son being in ICU last February. He is now in a nursing home under hospice care. Alone I have had to empty 4 large storage units and bring everything home in order to save money and not lose this "mouse house". Every spare minute I have, and when visitors are allowed for hospice patients, I am at the nursing home with John. He is scared. According to the hospice doctor, John was not expected to live more than a few days when he was admitted. This is month three. He has an incredible will to live. He says he is not scared of dying, because Jesus lives in his heart and he knows where he is going, but he is a bit afraid of the journey, because he has to take it alone.

It's raining and cold outside today and I'm going to be busy trying to purge myself of most of what came home from storage. I may end up having an estate sale or something. Right now my rooms are wall to wall boxes, bins, totes, baskets, odds and ends of furniture, rolling tool boxes etc. Problems with the "mouse house" continue; non working light fixtures, garbage disposal backing up, antiquated appliances not performing. 

You know what? It will all work out. God's mercies are new every morning. God, just wrap your arms around John and his two children and give them peace and hope. Please meet them at their point of need, because you know what that is even if I don't. Praise you and thank you for your love. In Jesus name, Amen

.

 This is what I woke up to this morning. I have to admit that I had a serious talk with God about this. My son, John is in the ICU and it's really bad. I cannot drive up to the hospital in this snow that is covering a layer of ice and more freezing rain is falling on top of it. I am thankful that John is in good hands who are taking excellent care of him. He will be very disappointed that I can't get up there to see him.

 

Good Thursday Morning!! Here in Milwaukie, Oregon it is chilly, but not cold and it is wet, but not soaking. As I sit and enjoy my square of dark chocolate and my morning coffee, I am thankful that I can view the sunrise from my comfy chair. Some mornings it is stunning and colorful, but this morning it is overcast and gray. Still it is a new day and God's mercies are new every morning.

Also here in Oregon, senior citizens, fearing infection or worse, have been anxiously awaiting their turn to get the Covid vaccine. As their time approached, the governor announced that she has bumped them down on the list so as to immunize inmates in the jails and prisons. Teachers also were on the list to get their vaccines, but will have to wait for inmates. Go figure. As for me, I choose not to get the vaccine. 

For anyone that read my last post, I would like to say that my son, John still has his foot. Praise the Lord! He is still not out of the woods, but things are looking up. He spent several weeks in a rehabilitation facility, where they gave him the first dose of the Covid vaccine. He will have to go back in a couple of weeks for the second dose. 

My pugs are softly snoring and snuggled together this morning, but a couple of days ago we had a short lived sliver of sunshine coming in the window and they took full advantage it.

Oh, how I love those little dogs. John has a little dog also. His dog won't leave his side. 

Normally I would be taking my short walk around the neighborhood this morning, but John has a doctor appointment for his foot and we are getting ready to head out.

I hope all of you have a blessed day.

Sandra

 

New Normal

One day I went for a six mile walk with my son. A few months later he lost his ability to balance. A while after that he was in the hospital for the 14th time due to brittle type 1 diabetes. 

One day I had coffee with my good friend and we visited at the coffee shop for four hours. A year later and we have been isolated for many months, not able to hug or see each others smiling faces or join hands in prayer.

One day I went to the credit union where my daughter works and made a deposit and exchanged small talk and the next day I went to make a payment on my loan and she had to stay 6 feet from me. Automatically I was about to give her a small hug goodbye and she backed up saying she had to protect her members. Of course, I didn't think.

One day I had a couple of cheap masks to use when I sprayed Simple Green to clean the bathroom. Now I have masks in the car and in the kitchen and by the back door and the front door. When Home Health comes to take care of my son, I have to mask up. When I run to the property managers office to drop off my rent, I have to mask up and stay 6 feet from the door.

This is the new normal and I don't expect it to change any time soon. I attend my Sunday church services on You Tube or Facebook. I disinfect everything in the house regularly (door knobs, toilet flushers, banisters, faucet handles, counters, I wash my hands so much they are dry and cracked. I facetime my grandkids and they cry that they want to come and visit or spend the night.

I have a collection of masks. Washable masks, disposable masks, kids masks, homemade masks. I don't buy designer masks. I googled masks, (masks with sequins, masks with lace, masks with fringe, masks with pug faces on them). If you can think of it, it has already been designed. Cottage industries are popping up everywhere selling masks. This is the new normal.

Now I'm told there is a new strain for covid spreading that is more easily transmitted. Will there be another and another and another. The news tells me "We are all in this together". NOT!! I'm in this alone taking care of my son. I can't get my hair cut, I can't go for coffee with a friend, I've even been denied visitation rights when my son was in Intensive Care. He's in the hospital now assessing whether or not to amputate his foot. I'm on my way to see him and at this time I believe I will be allowed into his room.

I pray for health, safety, peace and prosperity for this new year. I will trust in Him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv-SXz_exKE

 

October, 2020

God's mercies are new every morning. That is what I keep telling myself. Challenges follow everyone and they have followed us (my son and me) as well. After nearly 5 years living in a tiny apartment that we disliked immensely, we purchased a manufactured home in a 55 and over community. My son and I were so excited to move in and settle down in a friendly clean community in the center of the little "village" where we have always wanted to live.

So eager we were to move from the apartment that we made some major mistakes. Mistake number 1: When we went to view the prospective new home we were so conscious of the owners privacy and "covid" that we didn't really look. We didn't open closet doors or kitchen cupboards. We tried to stay in the home as short a time as possible, so we just glanced around. It "looked" great. It looked clean. It had the right amount of bedrooms and bathrooms to accommodate us. We didn't measure, but they looked at least as big as we had at the apartment. There was an eyesore of a giant rock fireplace right in the tiny front yard, but we were assured it could be removed. There was a garden shed, but it had a lock on it and there was no available key. Still, it was so much nicer than where we were.

 We made an offer. It was countered and we accepted the counter offer. The financing took longer than anticipated, due to misinformation from the realtor to the financial people. The next step was an appraisal. Great, it appraised at $10,000 more than we agreed to pay. The realtor talked us into getting a home warranty instead of an inspection. That was mistake number 2. We contacted the home warranty company they suggested and bought the best plan offered and paid cash up front for it.  We turned over our down payment. Everything went fine at that point. We signed all the final papers, the owner was funded and the home was ours. 

At that point we were told the owner couldn't be completely out for two more weeks. That was irritating, but we needed the time to finish packing and cleaning. We were told the owner hired a professional home cleaner after she was out. NOT!! Finally, we got our keys. We finally were able to open all the doors and drawers and see what kind of cupboards and closets we were dealing with. So excited and happy were we to finally be in our own home again............WAIT..........mouse droppings in the kitchen drawers. Clean, bleach, set traps, bleach, put everything in freezer or air tight containers. 

Strange noises at night were waking me up. I started sleeping with a pile of shoes on my bed to throw at whatever was making the noise. More mouse droppings everywhere. I contacted the realtor and wanted to know why I wasn't informed there was a mouse problem. "We had no idea." says she, but this innocent realtor offered to pay for an exterminator to come and assess the problem. Hmmmmm. After paying $272 for an assessment we were told that we not only had a mouse problem, but a rat problem and a serious one that had to have been known to the previous owner due to the length of time they problem apparently existed. I signed up to have it taken care of and monitored every two months. Rats have been caught, but the scratching under my bedroom has continued.

Week two the hot water heater died and we no long had water for showers or dishes or laundry. We contacted the home warranty company and for $60 they would send someone out to assess the problem. That was OK; I agreed to the deductible when I bought the plan. After assessment I was informed the hot water heater was indeed dead and I needed a new one. The heater was covered and the labor was covered the the things that were not covered (drains, fittings, earthquake straps, removing the door and frame the heater was housed in) would cost me $677. Wait, what? I agreed to remove the door and door frame and that saved me over $300. After another week and a half and $299 later I had a new water heater and could finally shower without heating water on the stove. It took me 25 minutes to remove the door and door frame, another 30 minutes to reinstall it after the workmen left.

Yesterday I moved the two chairs that had been sitting in the living room since we moved in and what do you think I found? So many mouse and rat droppings that I immediately put on a mask to clean it up. Sweep, mop, bleach, shampoo the chairs, mop, bleach, move everything else in the living room, sweep, mop, bleach. Right now we are hoping that mouse droppings happened before the pest control company had plugged holes and set traps. None of the traps set inside the house have been tripped, so maybe the plugged holes did the trick.

One of the things I was  determined to do was be a good neighbor and enjoy my new neighborhood and my new neighbors.

We didn't have Internet, cable or a land line for three weeks, delays due to corona virus. When my Internet was finally restored I had an email from the neighborhood manager. (It's our home, but we rent the space it sits on and there is a neighborhood manager and there are neighborhood rules). The email said that someone complained that I have minors on the premises. Did I have children living with me? I did indeed have my two little grandsons spending two nights with me on two different occasions. They are the best two little boys ever. They never went outside to play, they were in my home at all times. They watch TV, play on their tablets, we sit at the table and have meals and visit and laugh. They did walk to the store with their uncle. Who in the world would complain about that?

My neighbor on one side has two medium sized dogs he lets out without leashes and lets them do their business in my yard. He claims he had an agreement with the previous owner and she said his dogs could use her yard to poop and he would clean it up. He hoped I would agree to the same arrangement. I did not answer. I have had to clean up after his dogs twice a day since then. My own little dogs are always on a leash and i walk with a pet waste bag on my hand at all times. I finally told him I going to eventually fence my area. He hoped I would put a gate. :-(

My neighbor on the other side told me that MY car sticks out too far and she can't get to her mailbox. She gets in her car, backs up to the mailbox, grabs her mail and pulls back into her driveway. On other days, when she leaves to shop or whatever she comes home and drives up the sidewalk on the wrong side of the road so she can pull up right next to her mailbox. Therefore she tells me it is against the rules for me to park on the street in front of my house. Bottom line is that she doesn't want me to park in my driveway and she says it violates park rules to park in the street in front of my house. So..........where am I supposed to park my car? She complained to the post office and they put a note in my box that I am blocking the mailbox. I spoke with the mail carrier and she apologized for having to put that note in my box and didn't know what to tell me. For now I am parking back in the street in front of my house. Now I'm being asked by the neighborhood manager to either get rid of one of my cars or downsize my outdoor deck by about 5 feet at my own expense, of course.

 November 7, 2020

Slowly we began to unpack and settle in. We tried to convince ourselves that our home was indeed a house (manufactured home) and not a trailer. We've modified that now. It's a glorified trailer, but when we have had time to make it a home it will again seem like a house. 

My son has been in the hospital twice in the two months since we moved in. Once he was found sitting on his mobility scooter on the sidewalk leading to his daughter's home, unresponsive. A good Samaritan called 911 and got him help. The other time he passed out and fell at home and I couldn't lift him. He is 53. 

Most of the people I have met in my new neighborhood have been very nice. Even though this is a senior community, I am absolutely allowed to have my grandchildren spend the night occasionally. I got a loan to buy a new washer and dryer, as the ones left in the house are on their last legs and totally inadequate for our needs. We won't get our new set until next year sometime due to Covid and back orders. We still haven't been able to put up a fence, so I walk the three little dogs, one at a time, on a leash three times a day. We stay in our own yard. We haven't decided what to do about our deck. We need the little pickup to bring things from storage until we can empty the units out. It will all work out in time. 

It sounds like I'm doing nothing but complaining, but I know in time we will be very comfortable and happy here. It's going to be a warm, cozy inviting cottage; just what I've always wanted.

 

Life as we know it will never be the same again. We will have to find a new way to relate to strangers and even a new way to love our loved ones. Masks are the word of the day. Politics is something people argue over. Sadness hangs over our country like a dark cloud.

I predict that things will change drastically after the November elections. Mark my word. Things will change.

As for me, I am moving along to a new chapter in my life. I am awaiting approval for financing on a manufactured home in a 55 and over community. I'm excited and even a mask can't keep me from smiling.

Slowly but surely restrictions are being lifted in some counties. Not the county I live it unfortunately. Everyday there is a new argument on Nextdoor or Facebook about wearing masks. There are complaints about which grocery stores are enforcing social distancing and requiring face masks. Today I was reading about small businesses that are opening in spite of the requirement to stay closed. People are afraid of not being able to provide for their families or losing their livelihood altogether. It is very sad. This too shall end. Nothing lasts forever.

I live in a very small apartment complex, with each front door only a few feet from the next front door. I was always a little disappointed that the neighbors were not more "neighborly". Now, I suppose, that is a good thing. We don't have trouble social distancing.

On the other hand, I've noticed a desire to connect that I didn't expect. My upstairs neighbor made washable face masks for me, my son and daughter and two grandsons. She left them on my front porch and texted me that they were there. She has also texted me that the Dollar Tree had a supply of toilet paper and would give me some if I can't get out.

A new resident noticed that I walk two little pug dogs three times a day. She has a 17 year old pug mix that is beyond cute. She will speak to  me as she passes on her daily walks and I have been able to scratch her little dog under the chin at the end of his leash.

My son, (51) who is bored beyond tears, goes out and sits in his little pickup everyday and just watches the activity in the complex. A couple of tenants, who are temporarily out of work right now, have stopped to talk to him when they notice he is sitting there.

I took my son to his credit union last week and there was a line halfway around the building. When one person came out, they let one person in. As they waited patiently in line, six feet from each other, they all began to converse with the person right in front or behind them. My son and the man in front of him both said it was curious, but they had enjoyed more conversations with people since they were six feet apart than they did pre-virus when they were all bunched up in a group waiting to be waited on in grocery store lines or at banks.

This is the new normal now. I wonder if things will go back to the way they were when this virus is under control or if some things will have changed forever.

Have a safe and well Thursday. Another week is almost over. My heart and prayers go out for those who have lost loved ones or are separated from them as they struggle to stay alive. It is spring now and the whole world is full of new life.

Blessings, Sandra

Hi, It's been a very long time since I posted, but these are very scary times we are living in right now. I just want to encourage everyone that this too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever except eternity. Please be brave and stay home if it's at all possible. Be thankful to the people who are on the front lines. Don't forget to pray.

This is true, even if it is a virtual coffee. Blessings, Sandra

 This is Phoebe. She is my little heart. I lost her last month. I have not been able to talk about it, because I am still raw with emotion and I leak every time I mention her name. Like now :-( She was my best friend for 13 wonderful years. Even when she couldn't use her back legs anymore and learned to use a little red wheelchair, she never complained or whined. Even when I had to squeeze her little bladder to help her pee she never complained. Every time I picked her up she leaned her soft little head against my chest so I could kiss the top of her sweet head. She listened to my secrets, sniffed my tears, begged for bites of whatever I was eating (in true puggy style). She let me clean her puggy wrinkles and brush her thick shedding fur and put drops in her little ears. She wanted nothing more than to be with me, near me. She lost her voice in the last year, so when she barked nothing came out. She loved to watch animal planet and barked silently the whole time when animals came on the screen. She gave me 13 years of wonderful, loving and happy memories. I love her so much. This post if for my sweet little Phoebe.

Phoebe and I are looking forward to a blessed Christmas season. Thanksgiving was so full of thankfulness that it's spilling over into Christmas. Sadly my sister, Danna and I had to say good bye to our mom this month. She graduated too glory and is now enjoying the company of our Lord and many loved ones who went before her. Losing a loved one makes you hold those still with you all the closer. We are wishing you a blessed Christmas; a time of relaxing, regrouping and rejoicing. Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you for visiting my blog. Sandra

Oregon Is An Inferno!!

It feels like all of Oregon is on fire right now. In this breathtaking photo by Brad Hutchison you can see the growing Eagle Creek Fire.

The news reported that this fire has jumped the Columbia River from Oregon to Washington. It is also threatening the historic Multnomah Falls Lodge as shown in this photo below by KATU's Jason Nguyen.















Early reports are that the fire was started by teenagers playing with fireworks. My goodness, what is the thought process there? There are thousands of acres burning; homes destroyed, families displaced, wildlife snuffed out, pets lost, thousands upon thousands of dollars in damage. What will money do? Will it give back the forests or the homes? Will it give back the security of the families who lived there? Will it resurrect the lives lost?

This is not the only fire in Oregon right now. There are many fires burning and many, many men and women putting their lives on the line to put them out. The images on the Internet are stunning and heartbreaking at the same time. It's hard to see the stories on the news and see the pictures and hear the heartache and tears and even gratefulness of the people who are in the middle of it all.

Washington above us and California below us and even Canada are also fighting wildfires this summer. I went outside with my morning coffee this morning and my chairs and my car were covered with ash. It was a reminder of conditions when Mt. St. Helens blew her top. The state was covered with ash then also.

This link will show you a time lapse of the Eagle Creek Fire.
http://www.kgw.com/news/timelapse-of-growth-of-eagle-creek-fire/471285079

In the midst of all the chaos and evacuations and firefighting and tremendous loss, there are people helping people. There are acts of heroism and sacrifice. Don't watch the news without a box of tissue. 

At 6 PM on September 5, 2017 the Eagle Creek fire is zero percent contained. Please pray for the victims of these devastating fires and for the teenagers who may be responsible for the Eagle Creek Fire.

I have sort of seen myself as the keeper of the memories in the past. I have always had a very good memory for past events, names and places. I have always taken everything other people didn't have a place for in their life anymore. I have attached a memory/story to every item I possess. At times people have marveled at how accurately I remember things and my kids always loved hearing the stories of each and every thing I displayed in my home.

Things, times and people change. Things that have changed are the cost of renting and buying; also the restrictions put on pets, appliances, changes to a dwelling. Times that have changed are the unrest and overall insecurity of the world around us. People age and the things that meant so much to them in the past are transient later in life and all that matters is the relationships and quality of life.

I don't think I am going to be the keeper of the memories anymore. I've imparted all I know to impart to my loved ones. I will continue to share my memories and life experiences as long as they want to hear them and find them enriching and enjoyable. The keepsakes I've collected through the years are mine and, in the end, they don't mean as much, if anything, to my family/kids.

Honestly, seeing the life my kids have been carving out for themselves, there really isn't room for the many (too many) items I've kept so close to my heart through the years. They either have not settled into a life yet with home and roots or they have a different style of what they like and all these "things" simply don't fit.

I'm ready to give up my past and settle into what is left of my life. I plan to make it as good and joyful and peaceful and comfortable and exciting as I want at any given time. I still want to surround myself with things I love and things that make me happy and make me smile. They might be things from my past or treasures I've found along life's highways. (No, not dumpster diving. LOL)

I know there will be times that someone might say, "How can you give that up? It's been in the family for years". Or, "You can't let that go, it's always been so important to you". The thing is, no one else wants it or it isn't important to them or they don't have room for it or it doesn't fit their style or they can't take it now, but maybe in the future.

There's a few things that fill me with joy and memories galore. They will stay. For the time being almost everything I own is in one of four storage units and I haven't seen them for nearly a year. I'm looking forward to getting reacquainted and deciding what will fit into my limited space and what will leave for a future journey with new owners who, I hope, will love them and add to their stories.

We are about to find ourselves homeless. The house we have been renting for three years is going up for sale and we have been told we have to move. Housing in the Portland, OR and surrounding areas has gotten so expensive that a person on a fixed income cannot find a place to live. That's where we are now. At nearly 70 years old, this is not where I expected to be. For the past three weeks we have been moving our belongings and furniture into storage units. That's not cheap either. We have to be out of this house by March 13th. With no where to go in sight it looks like we might be sleeping in the back seat of my car and my son's vanagon. Oh my, what to do.